Secure love often feels unremarkable or even 'boring' at first because the nervous system is calibrated to the high-intensity activation of anxious attachment. True healthy love is defined by steadiness, the absence of decoding games, and a sense of safety that allows your life to expand rather than feeling like a constant 'second job' of monitoring a partner's moods. You met him, or her, and it felt — disappointing. Not in the way you could explain to a friend. The person was lovely. Kind. Available. Said what they meant and meant what they said. Asked thoughtful questions. Did the things they said they would do. And something in you, sitting opposite them over coffee, felt vaguely deflated. Where was the spark. Where was the pull. Where was the feeling that this person could undo you. You went home a little confused. A little bored. A little worried that, in fact, you were not capable