Healthy love often feels flat at first, because the nervous system has been calibrated to the intensity of anxious activation rather than the steadiness of safety. Secure love is unremarkable in the ordinary moments — and that is exactly what makes it healing. The work is to update the system that has been confusing pain for proof of love, so that when steady love arrives, you can finally let it stay. You met him, or her, and it felt — disappointing. Not in the way you could explain to a friend. The person was lovely. Kind. Available. Said what they meant and meant what they said. Asked thoughtful questions. Did the things they said they would do. And something in you, sitting opposite them over coffee, felt vaguely deflated. Where was the spark. Where was the pull. Where was the feeling that this person could undo you. You went home a little confused. A little bored. A little worried th