Self-love often feels impossible because you cannot love what your nervous system perceives as a threat. Instead of forcing affirmations, you must first do the work of making the self safe to inhabit by addressing the subconscious moments where self-expression originally became unsafe. You have been told, by approximately every wellness account on the internet, that you need to love yourself first. That self-love is the prerequisite for everything — healthy relationships, success, peace, joy. And so you have tried. You have stood in front of mirrors saying things you did not feel. You have written affirmations you did not believe. You have wondered, quietly, what is wrong with you that this most basic emotional task has remained so out of reach. Self-love is the wrong word Let me say something that may sound contrary to everything you've been told. The instruction to "love y